AUTHENTICITY IS LIKE GARLIC TO VAMPIRES

Introduction

Nothing burns away false connection quicker as your decision to be true to your burning heart______ Authenticity is like garlic to vampires. @Mikael_jibril

This month, April 2022, marks one year since my sweet, adorable selfless mum went to be with the Lord. Yes, Selfless. Because of her, I just find it fit to talk about self-care.

Let’s start by defining the term Authenticity. This refers to you being true to your own personality, values and spirit regardless of the pressure that you’re under to act otherwise. Being honest to yourself and with others and taking responsibilities for your mistakes.

One thing I have learnt in my adult life is that putting yourself first will never be a crime. Those who feel offended, well, kinda benefited from your lack of boundaries. And never feel guilty if they decide to go. Your people will always stick by you and never question your decisions to level up.

Affirm with me:

· I am allowed to set boundaries.

· Boundaries are more about my peace and less about their feelings.

· Boundaries are more about my respect and less about their insecurities.

· I am becoming a better version of myself every day.

Leveling up is about becoming your best self. Being a better person in character and in spirit so you can attract to yourself the things you desire that will help bring more peace and light to your life.

Apart of leveling up includes having self-confidence. It will be quite hard for you to get to the next level if you don’t believe in yourself. Always love yourself enough to believe it can happen to you (good things).

A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong it is until it’s in hot water. This phrase stands true to me. Apart of being a woman is deciding to be that strong person for yourself. So that when the storms of life come, which they always do, you can’t be moved easily. Standing our ground and using our voice is our best and only savior (never shy away in using your throat chakra). Sometimes it feels right to engage your masculine (outward) energy. But allows remember, feminine (inward) is always powerful.

Self-care

Am a big advocate of self-care and self-love because that is how you always take back your power.

Self-care to me is taking care of your self spiritually, mentally, physically and also socially. Protecting your well-being and happiness, in particularly during periods of stress.

Self-love has many benefits which I’ll state a few below;

· Greater life satisfaction. When we love our selves more, we instantly change our perspective of the world.

· More positive attitudes towards life.

· Better Mental health.

· Able to set healthy boundaries and make healthy choices.

· Ability to Succeed at anything increases.

I have realized as individuals its easier for us to be kinder to others/ strangers rather than also applying that same concept to ourselves. We always tend to be hard on ourselves when things don’t go the way we wanted or when life throws curve balls on us. Practicing compassion and giving ourselves grace is so important as it helps us get in tune with our emotions and relate deeper with our inner being/ spirit.

Be your best friend, talk to yourself like a lover does to his beloved, court yourself, put effort into knowing her, what she wants, her desires. Only by doing this will you end up knowing your worth and setting the necessary boundaries that will nourish your soul purpose and anybody who tries putting you down will have no option but to retreat. It’s always said, we teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. So, don’t be afraid to be called difficult, stubborn or selfish because of protecting your boundaries. As long as you are happy within, the rest is white noise, all puns intended.

Apart of Self-awareness is being able to ask yourself those hard questions like;

· Am I being true to myself at this moment?

· Does this align to my standards that I set?

· Am I happy with their decisions or is it forced?

· Does it really feel right to me?

· What am I thinking?

· What am I feeling?

· What am I doing?

For one to live a fulfilling life of happiness, purpose and healthy relationships, incorporating self-awareness into our lives is the ultimate key.

Self-awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to tune in to your feelings, thoughts and actions. This is the ability of one to recognize how other people see them. Self-aware people recognize their strengths and challenges. You not only get to look at your challenge but you also get to see what you as an individual are good at.

Recognizing our strengths is a good way of gaining self-awareness. Stop focusing on what needs improvement in your life and start looking at what you can do well. This is a much-needed skill for both children and adults. It improves one’s overall self-confidence.

As humans, we have to recognize what we can and can’t control. The art of carefully choosing your battles. It’s a daunting task if you may say. More so if you have little or no understanding of self-awareness. Relax, everything is always a learning process, no need to worry.

Many people always look to the outside world in order to show them how to live. External validation has become people’s fuel. This in the long run denies us the ability to define our own truth, because we have already given out our power. What suffers is our values, dreams and patterns. All-important keys that can help inform our decision making in creating the life we want. As the saying goes, if you don’t have plans for yourself, you’ll probably end up in someone else’s plans and guess what they have planned for you, NOTHING honey. Sad.

Another important aspect we need to possess as humans is the ability to choose our friends wisely. A spirit of discernment to be precise. In fact, we should really pray and fast about this matter because friends affect our lives in ways we can’t imagine. In the Bible, book of MARK 2, Jesus healed a paralyzed man because of his friend’s faith. This is why your circle matters. How impactful is that!! Those are the friends we should have. Imagine, a friend who isn’t for you, how bad do you think they may be pulling you down all along you think they are rooting for you. Tragic, isn’t it.

In my own understanding, better one real friend than a hundred unknown acquaintances. Am not saying you shouldn’t make friends, but be very careful with whom you bring to your inner circle lest you learn the hard way. Vibes never lie, if your spirit isn’t okay with something, please, avoid and move on. Let your other body parts catch up later. They’ll thank you.

The only way to combat bad vibes is by starting to respect your energy and stop chasing people who don’t resonate with you. It may definitely get lonely but that shouldn’t be a reason for you to go back to nonsense people. Align yourself and attract your true tribe. Your worth will never decrease because people don’t see it. You are unique, a classic and one of a kind. God sent His one and only son to die for you, how special is that. We manifesting here baby, no chasing just attracting.

As a tree shades its leaves through autumn, so do we humans shed friends, relationships and jobs. Understanding this helps one know that not everyone or thing is meant to move with us in the next phase of our lives. It may not be through a fallout but due to growth in general, we are meant to grow. When you stop growing you stop living which in turn means you eventually die.

You are the CEO of your life, so, it’s only right for you to hire, fire and promote people accordingly. You be there for yourself first before anyone else. Pour into your cup first. Be in overflow, that is the only way you will never feel depleted by anyone. Make your NO’s and YES’s firm. Anybody who tries to sway you into the opposite, should be shown the door or / window (whichever works best) ASAP expeditiously.

Also, attachments are the roots of all downfalls. Try as much as possible to just create meaningful connections be it with people, things, jobs etc. Have a mission, a purpose or a goal everywhere you go, with people you meet and with everything you do. Lower your expectations and you’ll be less disappointed. That’s how you will always keep your power and your peace. Remember, taking care of yourself is very productive.

One thing I personally wish we were told earlier by our folks is that, you are worthy always. Not when you get your money right, not when you lose that weight, not when you are successful, not when you get that job, not when you graduate but now. You are worthy as you are in this moment. You don’t need to earn it at all. It doesn’t matter what kind of family set up you come from. The bible says that God knew you before you were formed, you are that special to Him. Now that we know better its only right, we do better for the sake of our children. We must teach them from an early age to avoid un necessary attachments due to validation and just create healthy connections along this journey of life. Rejection is part of life and learning how to navigate through them is a much-needed expertise.

Refuse to be everyone’s hero. You are not superman; those are just fictional characters. Takes me back to the Kiswahili song, “Kila mtu atauchukua mzigo wake mwenyewe”: in short everyone will in the end carry their own cross. Takers will never stop taking so givers need to know when it’s time to stop. Being an empath, can be both a blessing and a curse at the same time. Carrying peoples cross tends to attract a lot of energy leeches who end up taking advantage of you and your kind nature, depleting your cup and draining you emotionally and physically. Trust me I learnt it the hard way. Funny thing is that at the end of the day when you need people to show up for you, they are either busy or assume you’ll be able to take care of yourself and solve your troubles with utmost grownup-ness, a very heavy tiring sigh.

Energy Transfer

Once you realize that energy is emotionally expensive, you will no longer accept to be the go-to person for people you can’t even go to.

If you have to live to impress anyone in this world, choose to impress God instead. Make your boundaries stronger than your emotions if you want to protect your soft heart. There is no crown for being a door mat beloved.

Affirm:

I will start filling my own cup,

Being my own muse,

Knowing my own worth,

Loving my own skin,

Praising my own existence,

Validating my own journey,

Speaking my own truth,

Admiring my own reflection,

Experiencing my own love,

Enjoying my own company,

Extending my own energy,

Creating my own paradise.

Weigh and Appraise

Once you are sure about your values, likes and dislikes, you can better see how aligned your behavior is with your beliefs. You get to understand what you have given up that needs to be reclaimed and what you are willing to give up so as to reclaim your power back.

Set goals that align with your values. These goals can help you change, improve, achieve satisfaction and feel like you are moving through life in the right direction.

Though it may not be simple, this takes time and commitment.

Take Action

They say that small steps everyday do count. Taking action is a matter of you deciding to make the necessary changes now and make your intentions a reality. This may take a while but you will be gradually aligning your behaviors with your values.

Ask For Help

In any area of personal development, getting support from other people can help you achieve your goals. Professional help may at times come in handy like visiting a therapist or a lifestyle coach. Friends, family and relatives are also valuable support but always remember to trust your instincts. Sometimes acting authentically requires going against what others advice you to do. It’s a matter of taking risks and having faith in your own judgment about what’s right for YOU.

In the end, becoming and remaining authentic is really hard work. It entails a lot of commitment to living and leading with truth, the rewards can be generally great.

Understanding that everyone comes from a different background and accepting them as they are is also a life changer as it helps you interact with different people without you expecting them to act and behave like you, EGO.

Get to know them but let them not dictate how you should live your life. Also knowing your place in people’s lives really saves you a lot of unnecessary anguish and expectations. Know your place in people’s lives and act accordingly. Be true to yourself.

When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to find you. Seek peace. And, always believe in your heart what is yours will find its way to you; it will never miss you no matter how long your path may take. Know that and know peace.

Keep being YOU, no matter who the world is pushing you to be. Stay true to your soul. Invest all your energy into becoming the person of your dreams. You my dear, are the best project you will ever work on. It pays the best ROI.

Be kind, love all but trust a few.

With lots of love, from me to you friends.

Xx.